i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
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