for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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