ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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