Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
