she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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