"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
