I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
