you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
