Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
