its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
