Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
