You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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