Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
