well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
