i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
