Four minutes until I can fart!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
