She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
