i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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