News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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