Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
