Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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