i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
