in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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