there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
