Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
