Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
