i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
