i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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