Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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