come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
