We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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