I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
