He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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