His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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