He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
