On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Four minutes until I can fart!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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