I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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