You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
