Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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