What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There r osticjed everywhere
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
