Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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