I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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