Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
don't judge my taste in strippers
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
