So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
