3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
