Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
