Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
