she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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