so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
