member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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